there are two kinds of asian boys i meet when i live in sydney - the ones i ignore because they are not a threat physically or socially (very often) and the ones i would like to sleep with (so rare, i can count them with one hand). during the sleaze weekend, i met a boy i'd like to hate through friends who were attending sleaze.

categorically, this boy somehow made me feel inadequate. if i were a girl, i'd be the ugly stepsister hangin around him. i will have small breasts, ugly teeth, cellulite and skin so saggy that the skin folds on my neck would form a bib covering my small breasts. you get the picture. let's name him D. D was bright eyed and cheery, had a much better job than me, could hold a conversation like me, saw the insides of the gym, knew his clothes and had an air of confidence. he would be the boy all the queens (rice or non-rice) in sydney would say is the cutest.

I was somewhat dreading spending the night being paris hilton's dog while the entire party slobbered over paris. except D disappeared into the crowd quite quickly when we got there, never to be seen again for the rest of the night.

D was a lovely boy by all accounts but he'd probably be the boy who tells the other boys i'm a skanky homeless gay who has just inherited a million dollars from my recently dead sugar daddy, am recovering from a couple of STDs and had recently had surgery (you should have seen him before) on every part of my body. we would end up pulling each others hair and screaming "you dirty ****king slimy whore" at each other as we fight over the last eligible man in the horden who expresses an interest in either of us.

fortunately there are few boys like D in sydney. he doesn't live here.

so if i hear a queen (rice or non-rice) telling me whom they think the cutest asian boy is in this city, and if ever D gets a mention, i'd start feeling like the girl with small saggy breasts, cellulite and bib-full of saggy neck skin covering my breasts all over again. but if it happens to be one of the rare ones i'd like to sleep with, i'll put on my best smile and say "gee, you have really good taste". that would be the ultimate compliment coming from me.