Autism: a developmental disorder that manifests in impairments or abnormalities of social interaction, impairments or abnormalities of communication, and behavioural inflexibility.

I could potentially be suffering from a mild case of autism which is probably a disorder I’ve carried unnoticed most of my adult life. Having survived in a decade of consulting where flexibility rules, I have imposed many rules in my own life that makes me think I’m exhibiting mild signs of autism.

For example:

a. I’m fairly selective on whom I’d like to engage with socially. Which probably earns me the title of being an ice princess whenever I am out. I overheard someone comment about me on the dance floor last week “he’s very selective about who he talks to”. That person is pretty damn right and that’s coming from someone who doesn’t know me well.

b. I love black t-shirts and I own a stack of black t-shirts, v-neck or round neck only. No patterns or logos. I have been wearing them like a ritual for most of last year.

c. I am terrible at responding to pick-ups. My response wavers between ignorance or horror even if I really fancy them.

d. I get distressed if I don’t get to go to the gym as part of my daily routine. And if I go to the gym, it has to be in the morning. Crowded gyms annoy me.

Having further thought about what my resolutions are for 2008, I would like to add that throwing out the rule book in my life, thus these autistic behavioural attachments, could be one of them. I should also get rid of some of my fixations on rules such as:

No carbs after 6pm; absolutely no food after 9pm
Not drinking reds with asian food
Not speaking to or dating rice queens
Not having threesomes with couples

My rule list is endless but I’m beginning to realise its places limits on what I can experience as an individual. And this is stunting my growth. Instead of limiting my personal growth, I should start throwing caution to the wind and live without my autistic controls.